Its been about two months since I quit my job. Unfortunately, bills don't quit. I was granted roughly $8,000 of unemployment due to co-vid19. I have gone through $4,000 of it already paying bills and enjoying myself.
Is it wrong for me to want to enjoy myself? Do I not deserve to shop here and there if I don't
have consistent income? Or does it have nothing to do with deserving and everything to do with intelligence. Is it intelligent to go out and enjoy myself from time to time, even if I don't have income?
I think it is.
I live in a difficult time where jobs are scares, although they never use to be. In the past, I could easily walk down town into a bar and say, "I want to work here!". Having bartending experience and being somewhat of a cute gal, it's never been difficult for me to land a job. But because of the virus, hardly anything is open. If they are, they aren't hiring out of caution of contracting the virus or their hours are cut so short its not necessary to hire more people. I've been searching two months to not only find a job, but find something that will bring me fulfillment. I didn't go to college (for very long) so I don't have a degree to back up my skills. I simply have my skills, experience, and ideas as to what I want to be doing with my life right now. The idea of being a real estate agent has always been very attractive to me. When I looked into the initial investment of obtaining the license, however, I about had a heart attack.
When I left my job, my mission was to get my real estate license. But I only had $8,000, no idea when I would be getting more, and bills that needed to be paid. If they weren't, my credit score would feel the pain and I would have to work even harder to fix that.
Stressed.
When I realized how expensive getting my real estate license was, I realized I had to have a plan B. I got in touch with an insurance company called Family First Life. They offered me a job selling Life Insurance. I thought it was perfect. I'm a people person. I'm not shy. I could learn the material, make as much money as I want by working as hard as I want. I could use that money to obtain my real estate license and then wha-la! I would be set.
Good joke.
Perhaps because I'm young, when something sounds good I change my mind about what
I previously wanted. I figured, if I could make as much money as I wanted selling life
insurance, why bother with the real estate license? I changed my mind about what I wanted
for a chance at making a lot of money doing something that's, ..eh.
The young lady that hired me at Family First Life told me to take the wrong life insurance exam. I studied for two weeks, sitting at my desk everyday. I only got up to fulfill the natural needs of the body like eating, going to the bathroom, and sleeping. I wanted to get my license as quickly as possible so I could get the ball rolling on my life. I paid the exam fee of $75.00. Doesn't seem like much of an invest, hence why I went the Life Insurance route. But $75.00 is a lot when it's getting directly thrown into the garbage. I had just paid $280 for my car, $155 for my car warranty, $200 for an old insurance policy that I wasn't even aware had expired, $130 for a new car insurance policy, $522 for rent, $45 for wifi, $106 for my phone bill, $50 for electricity and god knows how much for gas and food.
I was stressing.
Once I realized I was given false information about which exam to take, it completely shut me off to the idea of selling life insurance. But I didn't want to give up, I couldn't. I had bills to pay, a lot of bills to pay. Not to mention my roommate and I were about to move out of our current apartment (which cost me roughly $400 just to move our stuff) to be closer to downtown. We both spent a lot of time downtown. because that's where life is for us. I had to make it happen because its what I wanted.
One month and $1,024 later, we were living downtown. I was so full of happiness and excitement. I had wanted to live downtown Madison for five years. I took about a week break from the stress and worry. No, I didn't want to blow through the remainder of my $8,000 but I didn't want life to pass me by either. I understand that money doesn't have to be spent to have fun, but the definition of fun should be left to the individual.
What do I find fun?
I find it fun to get drunk, let my hair down, and buy decorations for my new apartment.
So that's exactly what I did.
I found myself walking downtown on a Wednesday afternoon getting drunk with my roommate. I met with some photographers that same week and took some amazing photographs. I took myself shopping and bought a cute decorative piece to go over my bed. Although its not complete, piece by piece my room feels a little more like me. That allows me to feel comfortable in my space which in turn allows open mindedness.
After about two weeks of fun, I reached out to a new Life Insurance Company but this company required I get my license for health and life insurance. They gave me the discount for the course to study and I got through the life insurance portion (which was essentially just review for me) but once I got to the health portion, something didn't feel right. I tried to squelch the feeling because I had a plan and I had to stick to it no matter what. In my mind, there was no other way to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish.
These thoughts of mine must have had the universe crying of laughter.
After about three days of studying health insurance (very interesting, but very boring) I received a text from an former co worker. Before I could even pick up my phone my chest seemed to do the opposite of fill. It felt as though my chest and upper back were emptied, leaving me feeling light and refreshed. I opened my phone (slightly hoping it would be my ex confessing his love for me) and saw, "is $15.50 an hour still not appealing to you?" A smile attacked my face and I wasn't trying to fight it. I felt such relief and joy. I felt so blessed.
Before I quit my original job, I was telling some co workers how badly I wanted to get into real estate/leasing. They all agreed I had the perfect personality for it which encouraged me tremendously. My co worker came into work about a week after that conversation saying she was leaving the company. I asked her what she would be doing. She informed me she had landed a job as a leasing agent for an apartment complex on the west side of the city. A light-bulb went off in my head when she said that. I asked her how much she would be getting paid. When she responded, I mentally shut off the light bulb. At the time of that conversation, I was making $22 an hour. I couldn't afford to make any less. But, oh, how I hated my job.
After the struggle of having to spend so much of the unemployment money I wanted to save as a safety net or even an investment tool, I was reluctant to take any amount of money, for any job. But little did I realize I wouldn't be bound to a job I hated. Further, if I can land the job as a leasing agent, I would be taking a necessary step towards becoming a real estate agent. Which is what I wanted from the start.
My interview is at 2 p.m. today. I am very excited. I will be relieved if I can land the job as I just paid $1079 for rent and only have a little over $4,000 left of my initial unemployment balance.
At the end of the day, I may not want to spend this money. Surely I didn't want to spend as much of it as I had to. But at least I have the money, and hope in my heart.
Adulthood has drilled me to believe I can't spend my money on anything but bills. But It's important to do the things that make you happy. If you aren't happy, the quality of your life is poor. I'm not saying go blow your whole pay check on the newest gaming console or line of makeup. But you work hard for the position you are in. If spending a bit of money on something brings you joy, do it. Everything will fall into place. You deserve the rush of dopamine. Without dopamine, there is no desire to live. If there is no desire to live, you will miss the magic life has to offer.
Celina<3
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